Yesterday, I interviewed renowned speaker and author D.J. Eagle Bear Vanas for my upcoming book, What Makes a Good Life? The best part of conducting these interviews is the remarkable insight into my own life I derive from my interviewee’s diverse perspectives. Their answers to questions like, “What one thing do you think is the most important ingredient in a good life,” and, “What role do you think failure plays in a good life,” are like free therapy for my constantly-searching soul.
It’s as if their different perspectives — some extraordinary and others beautiful in their simplicity — have amalgamated into the ultimate spiritual guide. I have never believed in one guru, but the collective humanity is like a guru to me. When you ask an eclectic group of souls to be vulnerable, the unintentional teachings are far more powerful than any one human could possibly convey.
D.J. has spoken to more than 7,000 audiences, including Walt Disney, NASA, and at the White House, incorporating Native American traditions and the warrior spirit into his teachings about teamwork and leadership. He is also a member of the Odawa Nation and a decorated former U.S. Air Force Officer.
D.J. has written several books, including The Tiny Warrior, which teaches about perseverance, courage, and personal growth, and includes exercises and meditations to help readers apply the lessons to their own lives.
Born to teenage parents living in extreme poverty, D.J.'s life definitely didn’t start out easy. Even after building an extraordinary life for himself and his family, challenges continue to be a part of his everyday existence. Because, well, he’s human.
We all experience some level of pain and suffering throughout our lives, but there is an unfortunate tendency for some (many) inspirational speakers and writers to gloss over these challenges as a mere hurdle along the race to success. D.J. is different. Talking to him felt like getting guidance from a good friend, not life hacks from a high performance coach.
Many high performers use anecdotes about past failures and current weaknesses to show just how human they really are. But it’s often a false humility, in my opinion, and a particularly insidious way of making us feel inadequate. We’ve all heard top performers say things like:
Despite D.J.’s many achievements, I didn’t sense any false humility. Nor did I notice the tunnel vision associated with success for the sake of success. I felt inspired and motivated, but in no way inferior.
In the face of difficulty, D.J. does his best to embody this motto from his military days, “embrace the suck,” acknowledging that when we walk into — and through — the pain and failure, we become stronger and better able to handle the next challenge waiting around the corner. By giving meaning to the pain, we empower ourselves to grow.
D.J. talked about getting divorced shortly after the pandemic, describing it as intensely painful. He didn’t gloss over it as a simple learning experience. I could sense that the pain was very real and still raw, but also that it strengthened him and helped him grow. He learned a lot about himself through the process and is grateful for what the experience taught him, even though he wouldn’t have asked to endure something so difficult.
When it comes to a good life, D.J. says we should define a “good life” for ourselves, not based on the metrics of others. And we should make our definition of success an attainable one. Far too often, we set goals for ourselves that are always just slightly out of reach. When we near our goals, they inevitably shift. “We need to be able to take a bite out of that dangling carrot from time to time.” Otherwise what’s the point?
D.J. believes that challenges are not only important to a good life, they are critical. He illustrated this concept with a beautiful story about an unintended discovery in Arizona’s Biosphere 2.
Years ago, the Biosphere 2 project was developed as a research center where scientists could study our planet’s living systems in a controlled environment. The trees in Biosphere 2 grew fast, faster than the trees outside, but they never reached their full height or produced fruit. One by one, the trees fell over.
The scientists were perplexed. Further research revealed that the trees were not rooting as deeply as they did outside, and the outer layers of bark were deficient of something called “stress wood,” which strengthens the trunk and allows for the optimal absorption of sunlight.
Why were the trees’ roots shallow and their wood soft? Turns out, the lack of harsh winds in the controlled environment eliminated the stress withstood by outside trees. Without wind, the stress wood didn’t develop and the roots remained shallow.
Ultimately, the lack of stress created a soft, weak tree. A tree that seemed perfect, even superior, for a short period of time. But one that could not handle even the minor stresses of life within an almost problem-free bubble. Without stress, the trees succumbed to the smallest of challenges. They failed to thrive.
While the above metaphor may sound like just another self-help book or life coach telling you to put a positive reframe around stress, there's more to it than that. The trees in Biosphere 2 illustrate that stress is a biological necessity. We can't survive without it. D.J. adds that "our elders in the Native communities have always taught that nature is our best teacher, the outdoors our best classroom." We must engage with life in order to thrive, and stress is a vital part of that engagement.
Thank you to D.J. Vanas for the fun and enlightening conversation. More about stress, failure, spirituality, engagement, and what makes a good life in my full interview with D.J. (and many others) this fall, when What Makes a Good Life? is released. If you're interested in learning more about D.J., you can connect with him at NativeDiscovery.com.
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